Online dating websites offer opportunities for men to connect with other men and women. Dating sites are portable, and men can access the database from any.
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- What To Do If You Find Your Husband On Dating Sites?
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- How to Fix a Marriage When the Husband Goes to Online Dating Sites
Even though many women do not get caught out, the impact on their marriage can be long-lasting. Karen got a terrible shock when a friend rang her to say he had spotted her profile picture on Tinder. I would never cheat on him. But it became a form of recreation.
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But when one of my male friends — who as a single man was on Tinder legitimately — warned me he had seen my picture, I got the shock of my life. In the end I had to get him to do it for me. But it was huge wake-up call. I kept telling myself what could have happened. The only problem is that it has made me realise how unhappy I am in my marriage.
What To Do If You Find Your Husband On Dating Sites?
So why do people continue to take the risk? Louise Tyler, relationship counsellor with Personal Resilience Clinic in Cheshire, says that married people — especially women — do browse internet dating sites for the ego boost. I know from my bulging case files that many people rush to see a divorce lawyer at the first hint of infidelity.
But any responsible solicitor should always advise couples to try to find a way to reconcile their differences, perhaps through counselling or just talking to one another.
Equally it is important to remember that what you see online and what happens in reality are two different things. People only post the best bits. The reality of Generation Swipe and the inexorable slide towards divorce is fathomlessly painful. As for Greg and Helena, they are still together — as a family lawyer, I always urge any potential client to first sit down with their partner and try to find some resolution.
Of course the best way is not to look in the first place. But if you do get caught out, how can you salvage your relationship? Trust has been broken and you have to acknowledge that if you are going to move on. This is not the time for a nice meal. You need to sit down quietly and talk. Acknowledge that you have a different opinion when it comes to what has happened.
Respect that difference of opinion. Ask yourself why you did it? Were you bored or feeling neglected? Those are the issues which you need to address, maybe by changing jobs or being honest about how your partner treats you. Regain intimacy slowly, advises marriage counsellor Andrew G. Women talk about wanting to be touched, and men often want sex — which will be the end result for women — but you have to rediscover the pathway to that.
Use the discovery as a wake-up call to reboot your relationship, not call time on your marriage. You have a home, perhaps even children, so there is so much you have invested in each other over the years. He said he never intended for it to go anywhere, though he did meet one of the women once. But I don't know how much to believe him. When I first found out, I asked him to not touch anything on his profile until I had time to think about it.
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And when I finally decided a couple of days later that I needed to go through the site and find out the extent of his betrayal, I found that he had changed some things to tone down what he had done. That eroded my trust further because he had promised he wouldn't change anything on the site.
Now I don't think I can believe anything he says. I don't know what to do. He is a good father. He says he will never do it again. But my trust is lost. I don't know if I can leave him. I don't want my kids to grow up in a broken family, and I am certain I don't want to remarry or have any other men in my life. I have always been against marriage and felt that it was only because my husband was so exceptional that it made sense my father abandoned us when we were kids.
A divorce would also cause a lot of heartache in both our families we are from a country where this is not common.
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Is this a big deal or is it a deal breaker? I don't really have anyone to talk to. I don't want to tell my family because I am afraid they will stop respecting him. I have asked him to come clean with his parents because it would make me feel like it's a sign of being truly repentant. I am not religious.
How to Fix a Marriage When the Husband Goes to Online Dating Sites
It's been two months since I found out and he hasn't done it yet. He is seeing a psychiatrist and telling her his life story so that's more a shoulder to whine and cry on than someone who will hold him accountable for what he did. Shall we live together and find a way to make this bearable or should I move on?
Am I right in insisting that he tell his parents or at least someone who will hold him accountable? Consider asking him to recommit to fix the marriage and outline your expectations for your marital commitment. If you and your husband have difficulty talking about his online behavior or if you are unable to rebuild trust and recommit to saving your marriage, a counselor may be able to help you, suggests MayoClinic.
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During counseling, you and your husband will have the chance to share your perspectives and to hear feedback on how to improve your trust, love and intimacy. A marriage counselor can help you learn how to communicate your needs more effectively, which may prevent future breaches of trust. She is the founder of a nonprofit mental health group and personal coaching service.
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