Bad things about dating a soldier

Aug 27, I've heard of countless issues one faces when dating someone in the These things may be more relevant to some people than others, but there's an . perceive you as a gold-digger of sorts can make you feel just terrible.
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Guys, especially, often prefer to just voice their problems — sometimes at great length — in order to get over a tough day. Girls tend to ask for real sympathy and sometimes a suggestion for how to amend their problems, seeking feedback more than a punching bag to take all their stress out on. Either way, soft encouragement along with simple physical gestures — hand-holding, a gentle squeeze on the arm, a hug — will let them know you care without being too much. If distance separates you, listening is your greatest ally, along with your continued support and positivity. You are their chance to live a normal life.

With a real person they are so in love with. Remind them of that, and escaping the misery of their work will be easier for them.

I have yet to feel the everyday struggle of surviving a deployment, wondering if I will ever see him again. I know what it means to miss someone so painfully that I find myself thinking of no one else during every moment of the day. And you will too, if you find yourself in a similar LDR. Maybe this is true for any couple — but I never felt as strongly about it as I did when I started dating my sailor.

And it will either scare you, anger you, or simply remind you of the benefits of your relationship. Some people, honestly, are in it for the benefits, people who are willing to give up their single status for medical benefits, being provided for financially, and receiving all kinds of other opportunities not necessarily available to civilian spouses. Whether you intend to marry your service member or not, the relentless jokes on money-hungry significant others which are almost wholly pointed at women, might I add can definitely make you feel awful.

There is no stronger love than a military love. You will learn to accept change better than anyone you know because nothing, nothing can be taken for granted or guaranteed. The military owns your significant other. They are bound to follow orders or receive consequences for noncompliance.


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But even more surprising to me was that former combatants often become casualties themselves. War veterans I met across the globe, from Somalia to Sri Lanka, feel that they killed a part of their own humanity every time they pulled the trigger, becoming collateral damage as well. Karl Marlantes, a former US Marine lieutenant in Vietnam in the late s, says he and his fellow soldiers lacked context for the killing they would have to do. A recent study by the US Department of Veterans Affairs VA shows that nearly two-dozen veterans are killing themselves every day, nearly one an hour.

This attrition, connected at least in part to combat-related post-traumatic stress disorder PTSD and other war-related psychological injuries, is an enormous price to pay for avoiding the subject. So great, in fact, that the total number of US active duty suicides in was higher than the number of combat-related deaths If soldiers felt nothing about taking the life of another human being, that would be indicative of sociopathy.

VA researchers recognised the epidemic, and over the past five years conducted a series of studies trying to drill down. Overwhelmingly, the work showed that veterans who killed others in war were at greater risk of psychiatric problems and psychic break. Some 40 per cent of them reported killing or being responsible for killing during their deployment. Even after controlling for combat exposure, killing was a significant predictor of PTSD, alcohol abuse, anger, relationship problems — and suicide risk. Even if killing seems justified by the demands and duties of war, it sends our moral compasses spinning.

The act may have been carried out by an individual or a group, through a decision made individually or as a response to orders given by leaders. Some military leaders are disturbed by the findings, and say the term moral injury impugns the character of their soldiers. Disturbance caused by killing indicates the presence of morality, not its lack. Veterans might feel betrayed by the society that sent them to war or the superior officers who placed them in a situation where accidental killing of their own men or innocent civilians occurred.

They withdraw from or sabotage relationships. The vague description Sandi gave to a local television reporter is horrifying: They went to the van — it was a bunch of little kids. And he had to take their bodies back to the family. Instead of killing an armed enemy, Wold had, through the orders of an officer, killed several children. Accidental killing of civilians in the Iraq War, as in all wars, are much more common than you can imagine.

Wold, like many combatants, was able to contain his guilt while still in Iraq. But when he returned home, he brought the Trojan horse with him. He became addicted to the pain medication prescribed for an injury he had suffered in a roadside bomb attack and augmented that with methadone that he scored on the street. It was clear to his family that Wold was deeply troubled. They took him to psychiatrists, psychologists, tried everything, but nothing seemed to help, and he was unable to find any peace in civilian life.

Though his mother begged him not to, Wold ultimately rejoined the Marines. But when the Marines discovered his drug problem, they sent him to a treatment programme. When he failed to complete the programme, he was sent to a naval hospital near San Diego, to await his discharge. One night a couple of friends came to visit Wold there.

They went out together to see a movie and get tattoos. They watched TV for a while.

The friends left when Wold fell asleep, but had plans to return in the morning to take him on a camping trip. The next morning, the friends found Wold in bed, in the same position he had been when they had left him the night before. They began CPR and called the medical staff to try and revive him.

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He was pronounced dead at 9: The date was 10 November , just two years to the day I had talked with him against that shattered wall in Fallujah — and also, the date on which the US Marine Corps annually celebrates its founding in It has happened to me twice. Be careful about leaning too close. For us non-military women, the ball involves choosing an outfit from the whole wide world of choices. Can I take a picture with you? Until May 8th, , the regulation formal for female soldiers was a uniform with mid-length or long skirt, but now they can wear pants if they prefer.

SSG Bonilla has a message for new female soldiers coming to their first ball:. Military ball last night was perfect.

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Things get pretty merry at a ball. In my experience, no matter how much your date loves you, no matter what a gentleman or lady he or she is, you are eventually going to find yourself abandoned. After the formal part of the ball, soldiers mingle. Most of us are nice. If we fall down on that job, introduce yourself to someone.

You will either find another newbie for commiseration or a veteran of military balls who will convince you to kick off your shoes and come dance with a big group of wives who are used to being abandoned at the ball.

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Your soldier will eventually remember you and come back, probably when a slow dance starts. Ran into an U. Army and Vietnam Veteran tonight that carries around one of these rare Challenge Coins. Remember the veterans from 8? Or maybe your date, like mine, has a pocketful of fancy coins and can pull them out on another soldier of his era who lays a coin on the table.

Then someone will buy him a drink.

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Is it some kind of game? There are several stories about how challenge coins came to be , but today, they are given for being part of a unit or for appreciation for a job well done. The older the veteran, the more likely he or she is to win this contest, usually with great glee. Headed to a military ball, which means drinking enough to tolerate others, but not enough to ruin my husbands career. Besides the grog from 6, a military ball always includes a bar.

The unforgiven

And there is always that soldier from Kentucky who sneaks in a jar of moonshine. And remember that soldiers can get in way more trouble than civilians if they are caught even riding with a drunk driver. But heed the advice of 1st Lt. The military ball will have all kinds of music, from hip hop to salsa to country.