If you suspected your friend and your ex were interested in If you feel angry or betrayed, make sure that your friend.
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- It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
- It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex, and this is why | Metro News
That means no Facebook stalking, no texting, and no Twitter creeping. Chances are, things are going to get awkward with your mutual friends. You need time to be upset. While a good chunk of my friends were supportive and there for me, my other friends were eager for me to get over it. Allow yourself the time to be upset and grieve.
But know that those social weirdnesses all smooth out eventually, one way or another. There was a seam in the sofa that had been wearing away for years, pieces of stuffing frequently coming loose. She reached down to pull some of the stuffing out and dried my tears with it. She destroyed a sofa in order to wipe my tears.
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It was the first thing I laughed at post-breakup because it was so weird and touching. But it reminded me that being around people who make you feel good speeds the healing process. Plus, maybe one day you and your friend will find a way to connect again. If you think you can simply rejoin the circle of "friends", and act like nothing's happened, then you think less of yourself than even they do. I urge you to find new friends. Get out there, join a club, start up a new hobby!
Find a reason to gain value in your own self before seeking the approval of strangers. Learn a new language and travel. Start painting, hiking, wall climbing, whatever captures your imagination. But stop fixating on these leeches you seem to think are your friends. You're young, and it seems like without these people in your life you may be left alone, but give yourself some time to gain perspective.
Trust in your own worth, and abilities.
Focus on having this episode in your life become the moment you changed for the better, not on how you might ingratiate yourself with a bunch of back-stabbing a-holes who care nothing for you. This is a situation I've found myself on all sides of over the years. The times I found myself in your position, there was usually the instinct to think and sometimes say:.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
It hurts to feel rejected by a partner, it hurts more when your friend " betrays " you and starts seeing your ex. I know how that feels and I know it sucks. Even if your friend had come to you first and told you about their intentions, it still hurts. It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't.
Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you. They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it.
What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more. Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people.
Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you. It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully. Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them. One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust.
When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him. This is extremely damaging to a relationship. If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other. B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else.
I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Don't hang out with either of them. If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust. I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them. Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it. Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert.
If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation? Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation? Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think. You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt.
Or you can look to the future and decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them going forward. The clearer and more self-true you are on this, the better it will work. And then you can outreach them and figure out where they're at. It may be they are relieved to know that what they presumed to be a problem for you is in fact not. Also, cut your ex some slack. It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and intentions. It's the human condition but it doesn't define our choices. Thank you for your interest in this question.
Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. If it happens naturally and your real friends everybody involve would understand my humble opinion. If he was a horrible human which I'm sure she'd be aware of if my friend I may suggest she rethink her choices otherwise date away.
Glad they've both got great taste in people they want to spend time with. There's bigger fish to fry in the world. I'd appreciate it if I was asked.
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My ex said she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and ended up, a month or two later, dating a friend I had introduced her to. After that, she wouldn't even talk to me, and more or less isolated me from that whole friend group.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex, and this is why | Metro News
I know that they're happy now, and I'm glad, they're both good people, but things like that can really sting, and I'd want to be able to feel happy for them, without having to have that pain. Honestly, yes, as long as your ex's friend and you haven't been having relations in the friendship or are being used to get back at your ex. You really can't help who you fall for. And shouldn't have to say no simply because of the fact they're your ex's friend.