Online dating kiss

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I've only ever dated people from my extended circle of friends in the past, where exclusivity was expected very quickly because everyone knew you were dating or that something was brewing, at least. But from reading about online dating here, it seems like it's totally acceptable to be seeing more than one person at once.

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But I'm not sure how to handle it. Late twenties straight male, if it's important. I've gone on four dates with person A, one date with person B. Have scheduled futures dates with both. Have moved off the source site OK Cupid in both cases. I really enjoy spending time with both women but now I'm in this weird bind where I feel like I'm comparing and choosing and I know a lot less about B than A. Haven't done anything more intimate than hugs with either.


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I want to see where both relationships go, but what's the point where I need to break one off out of respect for the other? If we haven't had a conversation about exclusivity is it okay to still be seeing other people? Is there an expectation that if we sleep together that I'm not going to sleep with anyone else? I feel like something like sleeping together would be an important see-if-this-is-gonna-work step, but is it also a commitment step? I'm trying to think about what I expect from someone I'm dating and I'm just sort of confused and conflicted.

I think I'd be a little jealous if I knew either person was seeing someone else regularly, but I don't think I'd think they were doing anything wrong.


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I think I'd just be sad if things were progressing more quickly or becoming more serious with someone else because that meant it wasn't going to work out for me, but not that they'd done anything wrong. Is this how other people think about this situation? As the guy, am I supposed to take the lead on this? It feels weird to, like, make a move outside a restaurant or subway station before we go our separate ways.

Am I supposed to just invite them back to my apartment? That feels weird, too, since I have roommates who will be around who haven't met them yet. I'm a little worried I'm dropping on the ball on this; is it weird to go on dates and not have kissed? There was a good discussion on this previously. Speaking personally, if I've gone on dates and haven't kissed, I'd assume that they're not actually dates.

Other people might feel differently, of course. I internet-date a lot, and I'm a firm believer that exclusivity doesn't exist until it's been discussed explicitly. I think it's good to clarify whether or not you're exclusive before you sleep together, but not necessary in all situations. If they have an expectation that you're not seeing anyone else, I think it's their responsibility to mention it.

As for the pace of your relationships, I 27 year old dude would say dates without a kiss is moving pretty slow. I might try for a kiss on a first date if it went awesome, but definitely on the second date. If she's choosing to go on dates with you she obviously likes you; why not kiss her? I think a lot of women want the responsibility of making the first move to fall on the guy. Tell your roommates to get lost for an evening and invite her over to watch a movie, or have a picnic with a bottle of wine.

Hell, in my opinion a kiss goodbye at a subway station is pretty romantic too. I guarantee she's asking her friends right now why this great guy isn't trying to kiss her. I am not a monogamous sort, and I don't really know what the monogamous kids are up to these days, so the only part I will weigh in on is the sex part. If you end up having sex with these people, they absolutely need to know whether or not you are or plan to be sexually exclusive. That way they can make informed decisions about their sexual and emotional health.

When to Kiss Your Date - AskMen

After 4 or 5 dates i'd assume the guy just liked me as a friend. You don't need to do an end-of-the-night kiss. That's sort of the most awkward and high-school feeling. If you like this girl, and want to kiss her, just do whatever you've done in the past with people you didn't meet online. In the end, okcupid is just an introduction tool - after that, dating is dating.

Maybe I've had unique experiences with online dating, but I think most people will assume that you're seeing other people until you sleep together. After that they assume that you aren't even if there hasn't been any discussion about it. Maybe that's just wishful thinking on their part. It's probably good to bring this up directly, though that can be a really awkward conversation. Yeah, as the guy you are usually expected to take the lead on this.

There's room for debate but if you've gone four dates without a kiss, she is waiting for you to do it. I never thought I would say this in a dating thread but take a tip from Woody Allen. Obviously that's a movie and stylized and blah blah blah, but the lesson here is that you power through the weirdness and just make it quick and fun i. It's a goodnight kiss, not a marriage proposal. It's a little early to invite her back to your apartment -- the "in order to have sex" is practically implied at the end of that invitation -- so you have nowhere else to do it but, well, somewhere neutral. Outside the train station is perfect for a quick smooch.

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These kinds of questions have been discussed many times before on AskMe. It's up to the two of you to do things the way you want to do things. Since we don't know what her expectations or desires are, we can't really say. Either of you is allowed to do whatever you want as long as it's consensual, of course.

Sorry, but there's no exact procedure that can be spelled out on the internet. How could there be, when different people have different preferences about pacing? However, I think most people would agree that by the third date, it's generally expected that there's likely to be some kissing going on.

If you've already vetted each other online and then twice in person, and then decided you still want a third date, you presumably have enough of a mutual like for each other that either one of you can go for the kiss.

If three dates have gone by and there's been no physical contact other than a polite hug, either person might be wondering if things are going anywhere. By that point, the longer either of you keeps going without advancing things, the higher the chances are that things are never going to advance since either one of you might suddenly lose interest.

That is a fact of life, and it applies to women and men. You don't even need to decide whether to accept or reject the general premise of "Men should take the lead"; all you need to do is decide whether you, as a human being in your specific situation, want to take the lead at any given moment. Yes, that would be the default expectation unless you've specifically discussed that it's OK to be seeing multiple people.

If your relationship with someone is advanced and intimate enough that you're having sex, there should be no problem with having an explicit conversation about this.

Kissing On The First Date: To Kiss Or Not To Kiss?

I have roommates who will be around who haven't met them yet. Is there something stopping you from making the introductions? Are you afraid of your own roommates?


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    • If she does end up becoming your girlfriend she'll presumably meet them eventually, so why not now? First of all, there's nothing wrong with dating multiple people from online at once as long as you aren't getting too intimate with them.

    30 Days of Online Dating: I Was His First...Kiss

    Most people who date thru dating sites expect to not be exclusive. If you don't feel comfortable with it, that's fine, but you should realize the girls probably think that you're dating other people. Also, 5 dates and you haven't kissed her? She's probably wondering if you're actually dating or if you think you're just activity partners. Also they may be dating other guys. The time to have the exclusivity talk is when you want to be exclusive.

    Definitely before you have sex - but having sex doesn't imply exclusivity. I learned that the hard way. It's better to have the awkward talk and make sure you're both on the same page. I've never been on a date via online dating website, but I'm not sure why it matters in the context of this question that you met these women online. If you like either of them and want to be more physical, just try to kiss them at the end of your next date.

    It's going to be awkward. I seriously consider hailing a cab back to my car.