Dating doesn mean relationship

Even if you know what you want, it doesn't mean that it necessarily matches what the person you're dating wants despite the amazing.
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Then I am just confused! Was I actually being proactive and paying attention, or was I being too pushy and should have waited a while. So any comments would be appreciated on the two scenarios below:. So I asked are you done with that relationship and he said he believes so. So I told him to call me when he was sure. Then he said he thought it was too soon for me to be asking about that!

But once he put it out there, it had to be addressed! He got offended and I ended up feeling bad for asking somehow. Dated other guy 3 times and I knew he was quite a bit younger than me. He tells me and I am 20 years older than him!! But he acted so offended that I should care how old he is that I started questioning myself on whether I had the right to ask!


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Since I am the queen of blowing through red flags if I am attracted to someone, have I pushed the pendlum the other direction now and I am asking too much too soon? Or am I being smart and aborting mission early on when there are some real reasons to be concerned and to hell with them if they get offended? I am so darn confused! BTW, I do not have communication issues with anyone but men I am dating!

With my last guy I also felt pressured to bring up things early on because of some things I observed. For example, he had talked also about issues with an ex. And several other things that all added up to look like maybe he had boundary or lack of boundary issues with women.

Dating Meaning: The Definition of Dating and What It Really Means

He said no he really wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Needless to say, he was just pretending and had no intention of giving up his harem. But of course even if you do talk sometimes they tell you what you want to hear anyway lol…. And watch their actions closely. Maybe i am being too cautious, but i would rather not be messed around.

I got rid of the guy within a couple months. And he never did anything in my face outrageous, and despite his verbal protestations that he was ready for a relationship and wanted to pursue one with me, I choose my instincts in the end and dumped him. You know what happened on what turned out to be our final date? I noticed him fiddling with his phone a few times. Thought maybe he was turning off the ringer as polite people do at the start of any show, or perhaps checking the time. Her name was on his facebook list after that I dropped him as a FB friend and so I knew she is 19 years old, married, with a baby and another on the way.

"I'm Not Ready for a Relationship" (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

His best friend is married too. A lot of the women who flirt with him are married. The show was fabulous. He tried to put his arm around me and touch me and I completely ignored him and sat as far from him as I could.

Dating Meaning: The Definition of Dating and What It Really Means

Later he tried texting me several times over the next couple weeks. And just like Natalie has talked about when he finally got hold of me and I felt for some reason ready to see if he had learned a lesson, had an epiphany, something like that.


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  5. Scenario 2 is just plain weird! Very dodgy if you ask me. In both situations the guys reactions should tell you all you need to know.

    Definitely not a fling typa thing.

    Your instincts are bang on and you should trust yourself more and not worry about how you look to others by asking perfectly appropriate questions. You should consider whether you would mind being asked these things yourself and use that as a gauge. Some people are more private than others, but you seem like a rational person with good boundaries.


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    Well done for asking these guys stuff you needed to know. If a guy has nothing to hide then he will not make you feel awkward for asking questions. Best of luck on future dates. Old enough to know better, I feel the same as you. I recently started dating again and had a hard time with what questions to ask and if I am being too forward. I have expressed this to a guy friend of mine and he said I was being too forward, that men will run if I ask them if they are looking for a relationship during the first few dates.

    I disagree with him though. I also ask if they are seeing other people if the possibility of sex is there and how long it has been since their last relationship. I ask them what there goals are, this tells you a lot. I still struggle with being assertive but am getting better. I have decided that I want to base my actions on what it is I really want, not on how they might judge me.

    They can kick rocks. I still have moments of being insecure and am trying to work out some trust issues, but when I get in the mindset that I am in charge of my own life and act in my own best interest, I feel empowered. Several years ago I asked a guy who I was on a hiking date with how old he was and he went mental. He ended up yelling at me saying I was just trying to judge him, it was none of my business, and that I was just like his mother, who he was calling crazy.

    This was my third date with him and last! Tell the toads to move on. Is it possible to know that they are looking for a relationship without actually asking? Grace, I agree that the way you ask the question is important.

    If asking what kind of relationship they are looking for leads them to believe I might be a potential stalker, then they are projecting past fears onto me. This is a new approach for me. Oh, I just thought about something.

    It seems strange that asking someone in person would have any different meaning. Kind of like texting? Also, if he says he IS looking for a committed relationship, it can be easy to misinterpret that to mean he is looking for one with US, and then we may feel undue pressure for something we are still personally unsure about. I would argue, in the beginning phase of a relationship, just look for actions. Allow the relationship to develop more naturally. If things continue to go well, it will probably lead to a committed relationship. If things go poorly, or he starts up with the shady behavior, let his actions be your guide to end it.

    Thank you everyone for your comments! I agree with all of you, and it is an interesting different perspective. I am quite sure these men are not filtering everything they say and do to not offend us, and we still like them even when they do make mistakes in their questions or behaviors. We need to cut ourselves more slack. Grace, very enlightening comment about no one wants to be turned down. It never even occurred to me that they were getting defensive because they recognized through my questions that I might be qualifying THEM and they had a high chance of being rejected themselves.

    I just assumed they thought I was being pushy! But I was qualifying them and they knew their answers were not going to be what I was looking for. Natalie, I love your site and I cannot tell you how many women of all ages I have sent your link to…. Thank you so much for your insight and bringing your BR community together for support! Okay, not perfect yet! If people become defensive or hesitant, something is up. Guy number 1, put it out there with his questions.

    If someone asked me if I thought people could change, it would send off the alarm bells!! The second one should have come clean with his age, he knew it would be an issue. Oldenoughtoknowbetter — from one also old enough to know better! I can see nothing wrong with the way you dealt with either of the examples you gave. Another thing to bear in mind is that in general men have a preference for direct communication.