Dating after the death of your spouse

Dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of guilt or betrayal in the widow or widower. It can also bring out .
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And finally I realized that I could be with a man and, furthermore, consider having a future with someone other than Mark. So, while my first attempt at a relationship after my husband did not end up as I had wanted, it was an experience that greatly furthered my healing and growth. After losing a spouse, putting your heart on the line may feel like the last thing in the world you want to do. However, by interacting intimately with others you may find a little bit more of yourself.

Jennifer Hawkins is a highly successful real estate investor. In she earned a spot as a swimmer at the Olympic Trials.

She married Mark in and started her family. She lives in Texas with her sons Connor and Brannon. Photo by Amy Melsa. I Just dont know what to do? I Thought I was a strong woman, when my first husband had cancer we had been married 23 yr. And Now Iam Lost? Thank you for this post.. I'm facing the same thing right now. It didn't take a divorce to be single so I have alot of love still in my heart and I know that God did not mean for us to walk the face of the earth alone.

I crave the affection of a mans arms around me and simple conversation between a man and woman. I've had the chance to go on a date today but caved to fear and nerves so I canceled the date. He totally understood and we decided to talk more over the phone and get to know each other better to make me feel more comfortable. I know deep in my heart that I'm not ready for a serious relationship but need the company so terribly bad.

With time I pray that my fears and know I'm just going to have to give myself more time to heal and just let things happen in their own time. Thanks for sharing this. It has put good light on a scary subject for me Sign Up or Sign In. Please be respectful of others.

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Comment You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments! Comment by John C on March 7, at 7: She had been very sick for the last three years of her life. We have two wonderful sons and although we stuck It out, our marriage had some issues, she had borderline personality disorder and would often be very angry with me and just flat out mean. She was less volatile at the end and definitely was able to get most of her past issues resolved wit our sons.

Now she has died and had a beautiful death seems weird to say she was filled with peace, love and God her last days and almost glowed like she was when she was pregnant with our sons. Flash forward a month or so and now I've met this wonderful women, never intended for this to happen and I feel happier than I have been in quite some time, having these open, honest conversations, but my fear is that I haven't grieved enough.

I grieved plenty as my wife cycled through cancers ups and downs and I grieved plenty as our marriage cycled up and down. I now feel guilty that I feel happiness so soon after her death. I also have not discussed this with my sons, youngest is 18, not sure how they would react and don't want to add another potential issue to their grieving process.

I've been spending quite a bit of time with my new girlfriend and so look forward to our conversations but worry that perhaps there will be long term ramifications To my actions and feel embarrassed that I have found such a wonderful person so soon after my wife's death.

Peter replied to Bonny Jones's discussion Grief so great it hurts in the group Bereaved Spouses 12 hours ago. Bonny Jones added a discussion to the group Bereaved Spouses. Bonny Jones joined Steve Cain's group. I resigned myself to a life alone; how could I ever love another human being in the same way? Before he passed, my boy told me his wishes for me and even who he wanted to care for me- a friend of his who I had not seen in over a decade.

I shuddered in horror at this, and then fate, months later, made our paths cross. He to had experienced the pain of loss and we gently gravitated towards one another with warmth and care. Her words to me were profound, She asked me that after the birth of my first son, did I ever think I could love another child that much, but I how did I then feel when my youngest came into the world. The message was simple. You can love as much, but in different ways. I have really struggled with guilt and the judgement of others. Those who judge did not see the endless nights of pain wracked sobbing, feel the isolation of being broken and entirely alone.

It is no way a reflection that I am healed or am looking for a quick fix. I have chosen to live and not exist. My boy is in my heart, woven to me for all of time. I just wish others could see that and I wish everyone the courage to live their lives as they choose, whatever they decide.

11 thoughts on “Dating After the Loss of a Spouse”

Sending my thoughts to the sorrowful and bereaved, hoping that the skies brighten for you all, whether that view is alone or with another by your side xxx. Thank you for that positive message and best wishes as you move through life. I had not yet heard that comparison and really appreciate it now. After 20 years together with my husband who can only be described as one of the best and not just by me , I struggled the last 4 years with trying to understand why he pulled away from me ending in his sudden, unexpected death 9 months ago.

I suspect he felt something he did not discuss and was trying to prepare me. That pre-loss, combined with his unexpected and sudden death has created in me everything you described, plus a desire to recapture a similarly amazing relationship with someone new, like I had with him before. The feelings are so overwhelming at times, including guilt at wanting that because I love and miss HIM so much, etc. I choose to take your positive message with hope and trust that when the time is right, It will happen again for me.

Thank you again, and I am so happy for your new companionship and wish I can find that too. My husband passed away unexpectedly five months ago. Our marriage was not good alcoholism.

Dating After Death: How I Knew I was Ready

I want to date again but think others would not understand as they had no idea the state of my marriage and how he treated me. I spent too much time in a bad relationship and would like to find someone to spend my remaining years with. I feel that this is my second chance to be with someone who will value me. Anyone else experience my situation? My husband of 38 years passed a month ago on November 2nd.

Heart attack and alcoholism. You and I share the same story and feelings. The one thing I am scared about is acceptance and rejection. We are just friends for now. Only God knows if we are right for each other. He has a heart of gold and it was broken.

Don’t look for science here either

I pray that someday he could love me as much as I love him. I am only concerned for my grandchildren. Yes, although my husband was for the most part not an outright physical abuser, mentally he could do a number on me. He drank way too much, was a bully, among other things, along with putting all the burden on me to figure everything out financially.

How to Date After the Death of a Spouse: 12 Steps (with Pictures)

I can so relate to how you feel, I also would like to meet someone that cherishes the ground I walk on, just havent found anyone or dont know how to. Your email address will not be published. Where am I in my grieving process? Have you returned to work or your usual activities volunteering, babysitting grandkids, etc? Are you sleeping and eating better than you were in the early days? Have you begun reconnecting and socializing with friends and family? Are you mostly feeling comfortable both in public and home alone?

Just remember and this goes for anyone at any point in their life we should only want to add someone to our life when we know we are strong enough to stand on our own. What do I hope to gain in meeting someone new? I think most people who have lost a spouse find that while in time they may be coping well enough, it is the loneliness that lingers long after their loved one is gone. Loneliness is practically an epidemic in our world today, and few people will feel this more acutely than the griever.