Dating without being friends first

I realized at the end of the third date: I can't do the “friends first” thing. I've written here and here that I'm not going to sleep with someone.
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We ended up having some drinks and having sex. He meekly agreed lol. Funny how things work out. It all sounds so cute! But please tell me why you stopped dating in the beginning! Were you both just too young? Wanted to live life before you settled down? Would love to know! I love your story. I guess I prefer to skip the awkwardness of dating or starting to see someone, but you skipped that too!

Your thoughts on being friends before dating. - soompi hangout - Soompi Forums

HE needed to live life before I would settle down with him ha. Like, less than none. The first time we slept together it felt like I was banging a 16 year old- he had no moves,no confidence…he needed to go out and date and get himself a style and some confidence. He was feeling really rough so we were hanging out more than usual and one night we were shooting the shit and he touched my arm in the same way he had x and I decided to marry him right there.

It felt SO different. I remember that moment more vividly than getting engaged or married… and it was just sitting at the bar at our fave local spot, drinking happyhour draft and house white wine. Oh, the stories for the grandkids…. I was friends with my SO first.

It worked great because I felt more comfortable when we did start dating. And we dated other people while we were just friends but we were not sleeping with other people. And we did not sleep together until I was sure we were exclusive. Neither worked for me, however, so I don't even know why I'm here I think that sometimes the best relationships do start off as friendships.

Maybe I only feel that way because I personally feel like I could never start a relationship with a person without being their friend first But sometimes, friendships are just better staying friendships. Sometimes two people just work better as friends and the aspects of a relationship just doesn't work for them So, in my opinion, yes I think it makes perfect sense to be friends before a relationship.

And I don't think it'll always have to ruin it. With my boyfriend, I was friends with him first. He had recently liked this other girl who was a mutual friend between us and I was hung up on a breakup. I talked about my ex with him, he'd talked about his ex and the girl he used to like with me.

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Around that time he kept telling me he was over her but I never believed it or it never really seeped in lol. And when he started to like me he said that every attempt he had at flirting with me never worked out because I'd refer it all back to the girl he had liked before or his ex or something.

So he just thought it was hopeless, I friendzoned him. And I guess I felt friendzoned too because he'd constantly tease me about other guys. And me personally knowing the girl he had liked really, really steered me away from being interested in him. But after a series of events we still ended up being together and we're very happy. I think there is more pros than cons though.

(Closed) Friends first ? Does it eventually work?

By being friends with them first, you will get to know a bit more about them. There is no guarantee that things will work out just from getting to know them a bit better, BUT it will decrease the chances of entering a relationship with someone who turns out to be the type you will never want to date. If both parties are already well aware of their interest in each other, I do not see why being friends before dating is a bad idea. It is more like the two of you are taking it slow and getting to know each other first before making things more official.

I think it's kind of sleazy to befriend someone with the intention of eventually dating them. I've had a couple guys do this to me. The friendship isn't genuine, and the pseudo-friendship ends when they find out you don't like them romantically. At first I thought they wanted to put some distance between us so they could get over me--fair enough. But one of the guys that did this to me is actually dating someone else now, and the other guy is interested in someone else.

Despite this, we're not as close as we were before, and my conversations with them can't seem to extend beyond small talk now. On the other hand, I recently started dating my closest friend. We've been friends for 2 years, during which time he was trying to set me up with a couple of his friends it didn't work out with any of them while he was in a 4-year relationship with his ex.


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And no, I didn't homewreck--their relationship had been rocky for about a year. We recently discovered that we've had feelings for each other for the past few months and decided to give dating a try. We're already quite comfortable with each other and know each other well, the trust is there, we know each other's flaws and weaknesses, our likes and dislikes.

I Tried Dating Someone as “Friends First”

We already have a pretty strong friendship, which is important for any relationship. I guess we'll see where this goes. I don't recommend befriending someone for the sole purpose of being in relationship with them. First of all, if you don't make your intentions clear, not only could they friendzone you, but they could also start dating someone else and you'll have missed your chance. And second of all, like I said, it can be a bit sleazy and disingenuous.

Personally I think the friend-to-relationship transition works best when both parties had no intentions of dating the other, and had developed a genuine connection throughout their friendship. That's not always the case, but it can certainly feel like it. On the flip side, you might be so caught up in landing an attractive partner yourself that you overlook the great people who don't instantly catch your eye.

So how do you break through romantic superficiality? A recent study provides some useful insight. The Setup Researchers from the University of Texas at Austin and Northwestern University brought in dating and married couples and asked them how long they had known their partner and how long they'd been romantically involved.

The difference between each length of time was considered the period during which couples were friends or acquaintances before dating. After that, the couples were interviewed on camera so that a team of coders could "scientifically" rate how physically attractive they thought each person in the couple was on a scale of -3 very unattractive to 3 very attractive. To make sure one partner's attractiveness wasn't influencing the coders' perceptions of the other partner, the researchers had a second team of raters judge each person while one half of the screen was covered so that they could only see one person at a time.

Both methods of rating attractiveness yielded similar results, and coders tended to give comparable ratings for each person -- thus, the subjective ratings were considered to be reliable assessments by the researchers.