Npr dating questions

A new study says people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up one asks predicts the partner's willingness to go on a second date.
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In other words, it demonstrates a certain amount of attentiveness and responsiveness to what the other person's saying.

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So correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this - isn't a lot of this just intuitive? Like, if you're in a conversation with someone and that person is just talking about themselves without engaging, then they're not very curious about you, and as a result, they're probably not a super generous soul.


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Now, the researchers actually asked people whether they thought that asking questions would make them more likeable or less likable. And somewhat to my surprise, they actually found that most people did not think that asking questions would make them seem more likable.

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There's an interesting quirk here, which is we don't feel affection for people who ask lots of questions to a third party. So in other words, when we're observers and we see someone asking a lot of questions, that doesn't endear them to us. It's when they ask questions of us that makes us feel special. In other words, Rachel, we like people who ask us questions but often fail to remember to return the favor.

And I think one of the points the researchers are making is this is a learnable skill, and it's a skill that's useful to learn. Shankar Vedantam - he's NPR's social science correspondent and he's also the host of a new podcast that explores the unseen patterns in human behavior.

What You Don’t Know About Online Dating (Ep. 154)

It's called Hidden Brain. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www. NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. Accessibility links Skip to main content Keyboard shortcuts for audio player. People Like People Who Ask Questions A new study says people who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are liked better by their conversation partners.

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I think that it is a significant variable. I tried online dating about ten years ago, and got quickly discouraged by most of the dating sites I tried. I wasn't looking for anything in particular; just some fun hang-outs with new people, with the possibility of more. I was an attractive white woman in my early 20's; meaning, statistically likely to get lots of messages. After looking at men's profiles, I'd get so put off that I never bothered to finish setting up my own profile and just gave it up. I figured that if all they saw was my photo, I'd get a whole lot of messages from people I didn't want to have to interact with I wouldn't like them, and they wouldn't like me either and have no way of efficiently sorting out the interesting ones.

So I tried Craigslist, where there was no format at all and mostly no photos, so I figured that whatever someone decided to write was what they thought was important, and at least if they had more to say than a list of what TV shows they watched they'd say it. I'm sure all the dating sites are more sophisticated now than they were ten years ago, so maybe the argument is less valid than it might have been at the time.

I'm afraid I don't have much of a sample size by which to evaluate the success of my approach because I only ever went on one date that way.

The 3 first date questions that will predict your romantic compatibility

We have been together ever since. I am surprised that you didn't mention the Secretary problem. The math that tells one the best solution to how many people to date before getting married. Where n is the population of people whom one might marry. You don't know the number of applicants, so the secretary problem becomes messy and may not be optimal. Judging the quality of applicant is difficult; it's mostly emotional and irrational.

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Given that, after N arbitrary dates, I doubt anyone would consider marrying the first person they get along with. Well, I would say that Alli Reed has discovered something that is well-known since Renaissance In her case, the artifical identity was quite high on the "hot to f once" ladder, even though it was carefully crafted to score below zero on the "long-term relationship material" ladder.

I had to laugh sadly at the "men have been so deeply socialized to value women solely on their appearance" meme at the end of the article. This is a classical blank-slater prejudice. The author seems to be intelligent enough to take such assertion with a huge grain of salt. Maybe she was just never exposed to other viewpoints. The economics I figured was using an expensive site: My wife and I used to play a little game we called "couple of the week" from the Saturday engagement photos in the newspaper.

People Like People Who Ask Questions : NPR

The rules were very loose. We'd each pick our favorite couple. My picks were based on looks alone Whether in the old school or online era, I think dating is a little like art: The harder you try, the harder it is to produce results "on demand. Therein lies one dynamic of online matching that is rather unusual: It does sound better than the old ways!

I wonder if it helps to have a mindset that there may be many suitable life-matches out there, none of them perfect but many of them good; and that a perfect match is not needed, just a good one.