Celibacy and christian dating

Biblical celibacy should never require a greater relational sacrifice than Celibacy is next to impossible for gays, lesbians, and other LGBT+ folks thanks to . like I was being too independent and not dating cause I don't.
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If erotic love is the basest level of love, then is the lack of erotic love reason enough to eschew marriage?

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I ask because I regularly meet with and occasionally counsel gay men who are striving to be celibate. In almost every case I come away thinking, these guys would make great husbands, and I know several women who would love to be married to someone like this. When I bring the issue up, they never consider it for long. It seems that the idol of romance has become so dominant, that no one is willing to even consider a marriage without it. Other cultures and generations have had marriages flourish without sex. And I am by no means discounting anything you have written. But I want more for my SSA friends than bowling leagues and community groups.

Bridget Eileen February 10, Reply. For most of human history, this was not the case. Marriages have often been arranged with very little consideration for erotic love at all. But then…marriages were also often arranged with very little consideration for love period! I do agree with you, though, that there is a multitude of other forms of love that, being present, could just as easily create a healthy marriage.

There are certainly many gay Christians who live in mixed-orientation-marriages with straight spouses or bisexual spouses, and if that is something that is life-giving for them, it is definitely worth celebrating! The inherent definition of marriage requires sexual intercourse. While some gay Christians find they are able to live in a mixed orientation marriage and actually enjoy that marriage, I find that I am not one of them, and most gay Christians would probably say the same. In fact, pushing this as a preferable course of action for gay Christians could actually cause irreparable damage.

Plenty of gay Christians, under the pressure of wanting to conform and be accepted, have entered mixed-orientation-marriages only to discover that it was unbearable for them. The result is often messy divorces and broken homes. But placing it front and center as the preferable option for them is not something I would do.

Most gay Christians who believe in a traditional sexual ethic are simply needing a viable, life-giving path forward that is just as celebrated and meaningful as marriage while not being marriage itself.

How Do You Know if God Wants You to be Celibate Your Whole Life? - Christian Dating Advice

While marriage is certainly honored in the Bible, it is hardly seen as the ideal life that we make it to be today. Why say this for your SSA friends but not the inverse for your married friends? Should you not also want more for your married friends than just a wife and kids? What we need is Biblical community, which lived out according to Scripture, is so much more than bowling leagues, community groups, and marriage altogether. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I do agree with what you initially said about other forms of love being able to form the basis of a healthy marriage.

I think our society could benefit a great deal from this understanding! Too often when erotic love fades, couples think this means their marriage is doomed. Never mind the myriad other ways they might be connected to each other! Erotic love is too fickle of a love to make a realistic foundation for marriage. Brittany April 7, Reply. Thank you so much for addressing all this!

Bridget Eileen April 7, Reply. Sean Timothy Maguire May 4, Reply. I think it is very closely connected to Biblical community. Bridget Eileen May 5, Reply. Tammy June 12, Reply. It is nice to read something that resonates both intellectually and spiritually. Sometimes one stops feeling even human at the core of need and desire.

9 thoughts on “Older Christian Singles and Celibacy (There Are No Consequences for Sexual Sin)”

I also realized that spiritually we would never connect. I need Christ in my life and I made a choice. I would love to hang out with people who understood it at the depth of its reality over the noise but there are far and few that wants to deal with it authentically.


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Sure, everyone has an opinion, a conviction, a stance — but so do people who suffer through these everyday struggles. What would millions have done without AA? And that is not even in the spectrum of human sexuality! Why do so many fear these bonds even when grace is at the center of it? It isolates, marginalizes and hurts the potential healing that can take place amongst us. Bridget Eileen June 12, Reply.

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts. I pray that you can find depth of relationship and emotional connection with a person in a way that also coincides with your faith and allows you to connect spiritually. Praying that he can strengthen our community and help us to grow together in his grace! James Matamoros July 14, Reply. I have definitely felt the lack of community and disdain for singles throughout my life. I agree it is very unhealthy. Plus, they always revered celibacy. I feel like part of the problem is in the Protestant reformation, the rejection of Catholic ideals went too far.

It would be great if more churches were so loving. I enjoyed this article though and thought you might too. Bridget Eileen July 14, Reply. I very much agree. While much was gained in the Protestant Reformation, much was also lost that we are now struggling to recover. Thank you for the article recommendation!

Liz July 29, Reply. I know that for me keeping in step with the Spirit includes my calling into heterosexual marriage and motherhood, with all of the opportunities and obstacles to Kingdom-living that this brings. Idolising family life really limits the fullness of life that we have in Jesus and burdens a small number of interactions with impossible expectations.

However, one of the things I struggle with in trying to engage in a range of loving, life-giving relationships and activities is energy. As an introvert, I really need time alone — with my thoughts, with God. These are the places that shape me and help be become my best self, and I fight for them because I see that template in the way Jesus frequently withdrew. I also prioritise other things and other people as I discern them to be where God wants me. But none of us can or should try to be all things to all people, which is why the body is so important because inclusive love needs to be a collective effort.

I also think ease and convenience are other addictions of our time that we need to consciously grapple with, and rediscover the beauty of struggle. But I think we have to learn to glory in sharing in the sufferings of Christ which surely includes being misunderstood and rejected and trust that he can forgive us for our shortcomings, heal us, reinvigorate our efforts and make us wiser and more loving with each attempt. We have to trust that He is building His church Matt On a practical note, I wonder whether we need to examine our relationship to money and material possessions?

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The more I explore it, the more it seems to me that being engaged in co-operatives of all kinds would bind us to each other in meaningful ways i. Maybe it could even shift some of the earning pressure that means so many of us work such long hours, with barely any leftover time and energy the other aspects of our lives. Bridget Eileen August 6, Reply.

I found myself resonating with so much of what you said. Thank you for such a thoughtful reflection. One thought that comes to mind when it comes to the difficulty of raising a family in modern culture is the reality that one of the reasons for this difficulty is our lack of community.


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