What to do if your best friend is dating a jerk

If your best mate is dating an asshole, you may have a bit of a challenging situation on your hands.
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He does not recommend giving uninvited input to married couples, who are past the selection process. Because dating has become so individualized, with little guidance from families or even social norms to help steer people through the confusing maze of romantic relationships, Van Epp believes singles more than ever need outside perspective, though it should be presented without judgment.

Tell Your Friend She's Dating A Jerk In 7 Steps

For example, if you are confused how your vivacious friend can be dating someone who is painfully awkward, you might compliment your friend on how good he or she handles those awkward moments, and see where the conversation leads, Van Epp said. Ask permission first to share your thoughts. Before saying anything, friends should think carefully about their motives, said Leslie Bell, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist based in Berkeley, Calif.

Or do you think this isn't best for your friend?

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Sometimes the discomfort is driven by a wish for things to return to how they used to be, or a sadness that a person's priorities are changing, but there are ways to talk about desiring general closeness without disparaging the partner, Bell said. If, however, you notice that your friend is neglecting his or her own needs, it could be worth expressing your concern, without confrontation. Put yourself in your friend's shoes and consider if it is information you would want to have, Bell said. But avoid investing in what your friend will do with the information, she said, because what you say is unlikely to be the thing that changes his or her mind.

O'Malley said his friends and family knew his college girlfriend was all wrong for him long before he did. But the girl was cute and curvy and wore glasses his weakness.

(Closed) When your best friend is dating a jerk… :(

She was O'Malley's first girlfriend, and he liked the idea of having one, and he wasn't sure he could do any better. Yes, he would need to get her permission far in advance to hang out with his friends, and then sometimes she'd show up anyway and drag him away. Yes, their fights were ugly and often would end in manipulative tears.

But O'Malley would push back against his loved ones' warnings with excuses for her behavior and assertions that there was a lot of good there too. Eventually, after he graduated from Skidmore College and moved to Florida to study computer animation at Full Sail University, O'Malley realized for himself that the four-year-long relationship wasn't what he wanted, and broke it off.


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If you think you are justified in discussing your concerns with your friend, ethicist Bruce Weinstein recommends the "praise sandwich" technique of giving criticism, where you start and end with compliments. Express how much you value the friendship, then express what troubles you, then reiterate how much you care.


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  4. He thinks it's appropriate to follow up later to see if the person has any thoughts about what you said. Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz, Tribune Newspapers. I would just listen and give advice where needed but she had to see it on her own.

    Advice: What to do if your friend is dating a JERK!

    What I found in this case is that the more people hated him the more she clung to him and felt the need to defend him. So they were actually pushing her towards him instead of away. She finally came around but it took years. All you can do is listen and be a friend. I feel for you! One of my best friends is with an older man who started out on my good side.


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    6. He gets drunk and talks down to her, to the point where she is so insecure now she feels like nbody will want her if she gets out of the relationship. Good luck with your friend: If she has ever expressed an ounce of not wanting to go on with it other than complaining , jump in and start helping her with ways to hit the road! Make plans with her and keep her busy. Since he is 30 and in house, I guess the only person who can tell him wrong is mommy!

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      I have a friend like this… Now they are married… It makes me sad that she settled to be treated like that, but it was her choice. We didnt talk for about a year because whenever we had a girls night he was there,and I just couldnt take wtching her be treated like that. We are friends and I love her to death, but she is never going to see if she doesnt want to..

      Its hard especially when you know how awesome she is and you want her to be treated like she should be, but at the end of the day she may get defensive. She needs to realize herself that he isnt the guy for her!! I have tried to just be supportive, but after a year of this I am getting frustrated and have started telling her how I feel about their relationship.

      Man o man… I would love to tell him off. Shoot, I hate to hear that so many people have had to deal with this!

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      Ultimately people make these decisions on their own…. Find support, ask questions, swap stories, and follow brides planning real weddings here on Weddingbee. Closed When your best friend is dating a jerk…: TinyTina 7 years ago Wedding: August That is tough. KristenGotMarried 7 years ago Wedding: May I just went through this myself. MrsSl82be 7 years ago Wedding: JamieinMN 7 years ago Wedding: April I know that it goes against the grain of what most people think these days but I have been your friend.

      NJmeetsBX 7 years ago Wedding: LissaBabyxo 7 years ago Wedding: October I feel for you!