To learn more about the condition, I spoke to Dr. Barbara Greenberg, who treats BPD, Thomas*, a year-old who dates someone with BPD.
Table of contents
- Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
- Passion and Fear in BPD Relationships
- Here’s what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
- When Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Wherein a person becomes only bad in her eyes and there is no convincing her otherwise. She was raised in foster care, and subjected to sexual abuse as a child. I was only made aware of this recently. She also became increasingly volatile towards me as well. Especially when I would occasionally defend his recent behaviours which were no more egregious than forgetting to do the dishes, or coming home later than his curfew. I was always careful to support her in her attempts to discipline him and keep him on track, even though at times I felt it was extreme.
He is a good hearted kid, which is partially a testament to her efforts to provide him with a good community and support. I guess I really thought I was dealing with a strong woman, who despite her struggles made every effort to raise her boy, without a father in the picture.
That said, one morning, after she had been outside in the yard drinking, after a confrontation with him, and he and I were both sleeping.
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
She decided to attempt suicide. She injected herself with an overdose of some medication she had been given for eczema. I woke up to her seizing in bed. She spent the next month in the psych ward. I looked after him during this time while the doctors assessed her. I spent every night working with him on his homework and his teacher thanked me for whatever I was doing to motivate him.
She was released with her BPD diagnosis, And within a week she was attacking him again. Blaming him for her suicide attempt. The Child welfare ministry removed him from the home for what was supposed to be a 3 month period, during which he was to stay with a family from his church community. During this time I was forced to have her admitted again as she was aiming to attempt suicide again. Taking the razors out of my shaving kit, which she ultimately swallowed. She has now been home for 2 months. She has refused to make any contact with the ministry and her son has been reluctance to speak with her at all.
He is in a good home at present and his needs are met, so I think he is fearful of being put back into the situation. Because of her lack of effort to make contact with them they have now decided to remove him from the home permanently.
She is not mentally capable of dealing with child welfare or very much else for that matter. So here I am. She is utterly dependant on me being here. She has shown moments of improvement, but she will still switch to demonizing me at the drop of a hat. I have been nothing but kind and supportive but feel at this point that hope is lost. She periodically blames me for losing her son, her suicide attempt and all manner of things. She can also switch back to being very loving and attentive.
But I am terrified to leave. Despite all of this I still care for her very much, but she will officially have no one left.
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She has alienated many of her friends and still threatens suicide regularly. At one point I left and she begged me to return on her hands and knees. Am I a complete fool? Dialectical behaviour therapy is incredibly expensive where we live, and I work 2 jobs, but we are definitely low income. Trevor, this is such a terribly sad story. It sounds like you have a very clear understanding of what has happened and you are handling it with a great deal of strength. But with BPD this severe you need support and guidance for yourself.
This is really a time when a professional needs to be brought in to help you make the decisions you need to move yourself out of this situation.
Passion and Fear in BPD Relationships
I know therapy is very expensive, but even if you can only afford a few sessions, it is essential you get professional guidance on how to navigate through this very difficult time. Your comment is awaiting moderation. My HPD wife insist on divorcing. She cannot articulate why. I feel she has cheated but cannot accept the responsibility of it or anything she does for instance: Anyways I am uncertain what to do with my nonbiological son with her. He loves me dearly and I love him.
Is it safe to co-parent? Rob, I am so sorry to hear this is happening to you.
Whether you can get visitation or share custody with your step-son may be a legal question, particularly if there is a biological father in the picture. But as far as your psychological safety, that can depend on how severe her condition is and on how vulnerable you are to any emotional abuse you may have suffered in the relationship.
A therapist who is familiar with personality disorders and parental alienation would probably be your best resource for how feasible this may be. I posted on one of your other posts about the fact that I have recently broken up a three year relationship with a person who checks all the boxes and then some for BPD. Everything you say is exactly what happened to me. Phil, I wish I could take all the credit for my accuracy. But one of the more interesting aspects of BPD is the fact that because the cluster of personality traits that make women susceptible to the disorder are present in all women who develop the disorder, the behavior patterns produced by the traits are strikingly similar.
Many men report on reading the stories of others who have been through one of these relationships that they feel like they were involved with the same woman. For this reason it can be very healing to read the stories of other men who have broken up with women who have these traits. I honestly think you are an absolute star Joanna, and you should get awards for this. I believe strongly that my ex now has BPD. Nobody wants to approach her. At first I thought it was depression but it runs more deeply than that.
She pursued me for 2years wanting to be with me etc. We finally got together and she just reeled me in. She was a very nice person.
Here’s what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
I did sense something the matter though just like very self centered. She Took everything as a pressure or like a attack whenever I asked something so minimal. She just had to be in control of everything. People suggest BPD stems from childhood drama and she did have this. She had a bad rship before me too.
When Your Loved One Has Borderline Personality Disorder
She would have total lack of self awareness and lack of empathy. I found it very hard to accept and digest really. I would be the most thoughtful person and give her and her children special gifts etc and I barely even got a thanks for it. She does it in different ways. Mainly everything she has a answer for and likes conflict. Could never plan things with me or struggles. I find all this very bizarre at someone who really wanted me. Total black and white personality. Went from hero to zero in a flash. I asked things and she did the exact opposite. Everything I say is truth.
Her reasons for splitting were such minimal things which you mentioned that they see it as something major! She has lied a lot and said she went doctors and he said nothing wrong!! I think she has this massive poker face as I like to describe.
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I really do love her and she has put me through hell and still not realised what she has done is bad. She has said some terrible things. She is unapproachable really. She just cannot express emotions. I did put up with a lot and shrugged stuff off. Partly the reason for our break. She probably feared I would end it so she did it!!
Pulled me then pushed me away. And she wanted me for so long!! I hope my comment help some people. I have personally been mentally abused. So anyone readin this who is unsure or in denial etc or like me believe their ex or current partner had BPD then just speak to them.