How to deal with indian parents and dating

Dating as an Indian can be summarized in two categorizes. Either you're too old and you should have been married yesterday or you're too.
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I'd say just continue seeing him. Original post by Metropolis Yup! Its a shame they have to be so aggressive about it as it just puts them in bad light. Personally i'd keep the relationship going, but thats because i disagree with such a rubbish reason like racism. HOWEVER be careful, because you have to be prepared for a breakup if one comes, and don't get caught in the trap of "i need to stay with him to prove a point to my family" or "i can't leave him because then i will have no one left" stay strong!

Follow 11 Don't let your parents control your life.

What It's Like to Date with Strict Indian Parents

Original post by Anonymous Maybe try and find out what reasons they have for being against it aside from the cultural stuff? I assume a primary school teacher surely isn't a student at your uni? Ornlu Follow 28 followers 1 badge Send a private message to Ornlu. Follow 13 Original post by Anonymous Yea they do want to arrange a marriage. As in they want to be involved in finding and choosing someone even if I am introduced by a family friend or something.

In the end they want him to be an Indian doctor.


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Original post by PatheticVirgin Age: Based on my experience Other than that, all I can really say is make it incredibly clear that you're not willing to budge. As for disowning you, would they really do this? Follow 17 I didn't realise they were so traditional either since this is the first boyfriend I have had. Original post by Anonymous Based on my experience Follow 19 As long as you don't purposefully antagonize them I'm sure they'll come round eventually.

Asian parents who act like this really need to drag their ideals into the 21st century and realise growing up in the UK today is not the same as it was growing up decades ago back home in India or wherever. Then they'd go home at holidays and revert back to the "innocent young asian" facade.

The fact that you've taken a stand and been honest with your parents makes you a much better person than if you went home and intentionally lied to them. You're in the right, they're in the wrong. Try and find some comfort in that and live your life as you want to, not how they expect you to. Original post by Ornlu Are they apart from on this matter rational thinkers?

If so, you could try explaining that having come from India to Britain, one can hardly expect no mixture of the indigenous and migrant populations to occur as it's inevitable that integration will happen. You could also use the anology that by segregating Indians from other Ethnic groups, it's basically discriminating against oneself and is as bad as say apartheid in South Africa or Israel This forum is supported by: Gillette's new ad - what do you think? Corbyn's no confidence motion - follow here. Find your study group. GCSE resit results tomorrow - chat here. Art and Design Replies: Count to a million Part 35 Started by: University of Oxford Replies: Please help me Started by: Advice on everyday issues Replies: University of Cambridge Replies: How can I stop her?

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The things like "not letting me go out" are hard to explain to people not raised by strict Indian parents, but I understand how it's difficult for you, especially living at home, which I luckily didn't have to contend with. I also had the older cousin who married a white girl and whose marriage ended badly and all my other cousins who married brown people happened to work out swimmingly so I've heard what your dad has been saying thousands of times. I happened to have dated almost all white girls in my 20s - I was inexperienced and needed to figure out how to be in relationships, so the simple odds are that you'll meet white girls much more often than others.

My first girlfriend I dated for about months before telling my parents - I think once you reach that stage you should consider gently opening up to them starting with the old line about "friends" or "colleagues" , but mainly if you think this is going to turn into a serious relationship and hopefully only after you're out of the house.

For me, I rarely told them about who I was dating until it was definitely a serious relationship. For them, I think they kinda figured it would be something I would grow out of. And to some extent, I did change my perspective in my 30s and wanted more of a cultural connection.

But, when you're young and want to date people you should date who you want and try to learn about yourself and what you are really looking for.


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    6. No need to rush this. Let's think practically a little. We don't know you or your parents. Are your parents manipulative? Do your parents usually get their way?

    When disagreements have broken out with other family members before, is there a long, sustained campaign against that particular family member? Remember, these are the people that raised you. If your parents fight as dirty as mine, they will exploit any psychological or emotional vulnerabilities against you. And not only you. If going after your girlfriend will yield results, they may do that too. If you're close to a cousin or brother or uncle, they may use them to try to get to you too. It's not like the movies, and it might take a long time.

    My Indian parents will not accept my boyfriend. Please please help! - The Student Room

    Here's a few general things you can do to prepare yourself: Move out of your parents' house, out of their city is even better Very important Make friends that support you, preferably ones that aren't connected to your family at all Have a space away from your family and their home that you can escape to easily Have your own money to spend this only applies if you aren't currently working Possibly look into therapy to have someone to talk to, a family therapist is especially used to handling this sort of thing posted by FJT at 6: OP, would you mind telling us how old you are?

    I read 'one more year of school left' and assumed, like, sixteen. Another poster assumed around twenty. From previous questions, the OP is 23 and in college. It's just one of those things. I really, really do not think you should tell your parents though I think this question is very specific to an immigrant experience. I am Chinese-American, and my parents luckily did not especially care what race my boyfriends were although they probably would have been pleased if he had also been Chinese-American, no lie , but they definitely had certain expectations about my behavior that are hard to explain to people outside.

    I think you should approach this as a tactician. Is the amount of trouble you are going to stir up worth whatever change in expectations you hope to achieve? What, specifically, do you hope to gain out of this? For many years I kept huge chunks of my personal life intentionally vague to my parents, and I think this was, for me, hugely beneficial. I think I learned to be tactful about certain things, and got better at ignoring others. I learned to change my expectations, knowing that my parents were who they were.

    I will say that moving out greatly improved my relationship with them. When you see each other less often, when you don't feel the daily sense of obligation or guilt-tripping or accusations of cultural betrayal or whatever they heap upon you, it gets better. I feel like I relate to my parents as another adult now, because I am more mature and have gained considerable perspective, and it is frankly the best our relationship has ever been.

    But that took time and distance I suspect it might be the case for you as well. Oh, right - thanks, jacalata. In that case, I agree with Sara C. At 23, you're way waaaay too old to let your parents dictate your dating life.

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    Seriously, people get married at that age. If you don't stand up to them now, this seems likely to turn into a lifetime of them calling the shots. If I were you, I would be doing everything in my power to move out and live with friends for the last year of school. You've been legally an adult for 5 years.

    It's the only way I got to live a normal, adult-appropriate life.

    I know that, in your case, there are underlying cultural issues that I don't know much about, so I'll leave it at that. For those suggesting that the OP should tell his parents: But you're not abiding by their rules, you're lying to them. Move out if you can. If you can't, come clean if it won't impact your tuition, and take out a loan to cover your living costs if you need to. When people say 'at 23, you are old enough to do x', what it seems to mean is 'at 23, you are old enough to be able to move into an environment that you control, so you should be able to make your parents agree that since it is possible for you to leave and do x, they should just let you do x and stay in the same comfortable supported position'.

    The risk is that the parents will call the bluff and say sure, go ahead and leave. This is why, if he thinks it's at all likely for the parents to respond this way, he should not start openly rebelling unless he's not actually bluffing about leaving and paying his own tuition. Can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't mean that. On the contrary, I think it's impossible to 'make' anyone agree to anything. I think that 23 is too old to be living under your parents' roof, accepting their financial support, and lying to them.

    If I were the OP, I would either find a way to move out and support myself for the final year go part-time and work part-time, if I had to , or cut back on seeing the girlfriend because yeah, no parent is going to believe you're sleeping at a platonic friend's house 4 nights every week. At the moment, he's running into trouble because he's having his cake and eating it. Trust me, I can see the attraction, but something's gotta give. It is not unusual for Indian parents to expect to be able to tell their children what to do in many aspects of their lives until their children are 25 or even older.

    In India many parents still help arrange their adult children's marriages. When the OP says his parents "won't let" him go out at night, that is not because they are manipulative or he is not mature. It's a cultural difference.