Judaism matchmaking

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Or they will rent one. Sometimes the parents will involve a shadchan.


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And the shadchan says, why don't we put this one together with that one? That's what I do.

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The young people would not necessarily be told what was happening. These are, she concedes, arranged marriages — but once the couple meet: It's not a forced marriage. The couple will meet a few times, usually in the home of a family friend, alone but with others nearby, before deciding whether to get engaged. Although a physical relationship before marriage is out of the question, there is no limit on how long they can date, says Sirota.

If they are not engaged by the time they have dated 10 times, it's going to collapse. Sirota's enthusiasm for her work does not detract from an often far-from-rosy picture of ultra-orthodox family life. Haredi women commonly have seven or eight children, some families stretching well into double figures contraception is permitted but unusual. Haredi men devote much of their lives to religious study, shunning paid work.


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Many families rely on state benefits and charitable handouts. Some studies have noted a rise in domestic violence; depression is not uncommon. Most of Sirota's clientele have come to orthodox Judaism as young adults; they are "newly frum" devout rather than "born frum". Most have come to live in Jerusalem from abroad: Gilad has hit the nail on the head.

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The Jewish matchmaker

All hands to the pump! When life begins again. Giving children a brighter tomorrow. All shuk up and coming to London! If the shidduch works out then the couple inform the shadchan of its success. In recent years, a number of shidduchim sites have appeared on the Internet.

The Jewish Tradition of Matchmaking

The prospective partners either date each other or in stricter communities they go to a "bashow" [5] or sit in. A typical bashow scene is that the young man with his parents goes to see the young woman in her house or that of someone hosting [6] [8] , to see if the prospective couple are compatible. Both sets of parents talk to each other, and then when the setting is more relaxed, they go into another room, leaving the man and woman in the living room to speak among themselves.

Some use this opportunity to actually ask each other pertinent questions, while some just want to see if they like each other, relying more on the information they got from the shadchen or from other people. The number of bashow s prior to announcing an engagement varies, as some have many bashow s while others have as few as one, which is typical among the children of Hasidic Rebbes. Bashert or Beshert , Yiddish: It can also be used to express the seeming fate or destiny of an auspicious or important event, friendship, or happening.

In modern usage, Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert , meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly, and whom they will complement perfectly. Since it is considered to have been Heavenly foreordained whom one will marry, one's spouse is considered to be one's bashert by definition, independent of whether the couple's marital life works out well or not.

A somewhat related word is: The first recorded shidduch in the Torah was the match that Eliezer , the servant of the Jewish patriarch Abraham , made for his master's son Isaac Genesis Ch. Abraham gave him specific instructions to choose a woman from Abraham's own tribe. Eliezer traveled to his master's homeland to fulfill Abraham's wishes, arriving at a well. After a short prayer to God for guidance, describing how a virtuous woman might act toward a traveling stranger at the well, Rebekah appeared on the scene and did everything described in Eliezer's prayer.

Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed to them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac's wife. Once this permission was granted, Rebekah joined Eliezer on the road home to Isaac. Even so, Isaac gained his own impression of her before agreeing to marry her Rashi, commentary to Genesis However, when Eliezer proposes to take Rebekah back to Isaac in Canaan , he is told by Rebekah's family: This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child's opinion in the balance during an arranged marriage.